.: Oxymoronic :.

My blog wouldn’t be complete without the usual ramblings about work…and boredom.

I am happy that this would be the last week that I’ll be having the
dreaded 4AM schedule. Top that with rest days so boring, I could only
do smack. Just like today.

Started the day still with the whole keep-off-carbo-loaded-and-starchy
foods mentality. Just had (instant, ugh) coffee and a piece of hopia
for breakfast. Stayed in the room practically until lunch time to
resist any more temptation from our pantry. Ate about half a cup of
rice and roast beef for lunch and 2 scoops of ice cream (I told you
dessert is my weakness!).

I downloaded the latest episode of American Idol as soon as it was
available through Auntie Torrent. I do this because my cable provider
doesn’t have Star World so I can just catch it from the boob tube, and
I’m supposed to be asleep already when it shows on the local channel.
Now it’s just a matter of staring at the monitor until it finishes
(well about 2 hours). In the meantime, I went out to have my weekly
head shaving sessions, still fighting the urge to eat.

Finally my download was over. No more dead time for me. My parents
would probably know by now that I should be alone for my eyes are
literally glued to the screen.

Okay, so it’s No Doubt, plus Donna Summer, plus Cyndi Lauper, plus The
Police, pop night on American Idol. I wasn’t really looking forward to
the theme because it was so vague but then I liked how Gwen Stefani
bashed some of the contestants, haha. As always, Melinda Doolittle
delivered but I think that performance should just be saved for Disco
Night. Hers and Lakisha’s performances were in another spectrum.
Anyway, she’s forgiven, with a voice as infallible as that, we can’t ask
more.

I never heard any male sing No Doubt’s "Don’t Speak". But if it were
any male who’d sing it, it would be Chris Richardson. He doesn’t really
have that big of a voice and it’s like a well decorated cake that’s
just flat. Pop/RnB is definitely his genre. He did this song with quite
good justice and added his own mix into it. Favorite male performance
of the night. Justin TimberFake still. Love the jacket, though!

I like Haley and her legs but Sanjaya (or his ‘do) is the show’s biggest mockery. Nothing more can be said about him except: Girl Power! Hahaha.

Now I should find a way to doze off…for sure I’ll be a zombie tomorrow.

Ciao!

Eversince the holidays, my appetite
has been very relentless. I was back to eating whatever fancies my
whim. Top it up with almost zero physical activity, wholesome or
otherwise, hehe.

10 lbs later, my body started to show some manifestations.

Most of the people who view my profile now tell me how much I’ve gotten
fat. Before, they used to say, I’m ok, I just got a big tummy. Now it’s
like I’m all tummy and moobies (manboobs)! Well I better slim down. Fast.

It’s hard when all you have around you are people eating. In the office
most of my agents bring lots of food. Or sometimes, we often end up
eating outside anyways. I have completely abandoned the ‘no-rice diet’
altogether since Christmas. I tried a gym out one time. I actually
enjoyed it, but somehow I didn’t have the resources to fully commit
myself to entering into one. And yes, my badminton sessions have been
reduced to none due to schedule conflicts.

All my clothes cannot conceal my expansion anymore. I really had to do
something about this. I can’t gain any more weight, I don’t wanna be
skinny either. Just ok. Well, I really have no other choice.

It’s time to begin the ‘(little to) no-rice’ diet again!
can we still have dessert?

It’s time to hit the badminton court at least 2 times a week (Mayu, Drew, Rico, whoever, please).

It’s time to do push-ups (at 2AM, good luck)!

It’s time to declare war against weight gain.

Who’s with me? I don’t wanna go first, haha!

It’s nice to be back.

Whoa! It’s been more than a hundred days since I last bared my soul
into this outlet. For starters, I think it has been THAT long. To say
the least, so many events, entities and emotions surrounded me in that
one-hundred-or-so days and nights. Of course, I’m not that boring!

I have been wanting to spill news about myself as of late but so much
has to get in the way of it. I will be starting to turn on my train of
thought and see where will I move along.

Since my last entry I have tried to make amends and find myself somehow
through people and foolish things that only taught me nothing more than
to be more mature and practical. Sometimes it had to come in that form.
I may still hurt from the last person who broke my heart but my
condition is getting better, I suppose. There are days when the
atmosphere is just so sullen and empty. I guess there is just some sort
of imbalance - people would wait in line just to fill the void created
by my last relationship (modesty aside) - yet I still yearn for the day
when all is left behind and we’re finally back together in complete
rapture. *SMACK!* Wake up, Pao! That’s a longshot, wait, more of an
impossibility. Yeah, it’s funny when I think of it: a string of
admirers versus a definite prick, I’m still choosing the prick.

Again, time has taught me well enough to know that crying over spilled
milk is useless, much more a waste of time. Yes, I did think of getting
back and concocting a devious plan to sabotage my ex but I realized
that it was not worth it. It came across my mind that exerting more
effort would mean I still care. I remembered: the opposite of love is
not hate, it’s indifference. Will I hate? No. Should I be indifferent?
Soon. For now, I’d like to repress.

On the other side of the coin, there are also those whom, for some
other unavoidable reason, I had to unintentionally hurt. Nevertheless,
I refuse to own these unfortunate circumstances. From what I can
recall, I had to bring myself into a point wherein I can willingly
accept and embrace what’s in front of me. I was very open to that. I
was transitioning. I was bridging the gap, but along the way, it just
collapsed. Maybe things aren’t just really in front of me - they were
shoved into my face. I was transitioning; though it looked like I was
being forcefully morphed. At one point I felt that I was being invaded.
I really did. Well, regardless of the situation I am in, I know that I
am a free spirit - caging me would mean losing me.

Should I be bothered by all these? I admit, I’m not evil. Sometimes I
think about these events and said to myself, "I should’ve given it
another shot." But it had its way of unraveling itself prematurely - it
just wouldn’t work, even if I try to. I guess it’s a blessing that it
happened this early. I may have hurt myself and someone else more if
set-ups were prolonged. It is just a circle. I am aware of that. Soon
enough, a complete revolution will occur.

What have I learned in the past 100 days? Primarily, it is to watch my
words. It never presented itself to me until now how words can be so
strong and how people will try to hold on to them, even to your
slightest murmurs. So, as part of the unending struggle to mature and
wisen up, I lean towards just keeping my mouth shut if I don’t mean a
thing.

Moreover, in this life, we cannot always have everything. Practicality
is always an issue. What you can gain against what will you give up.
It’s not just about the idea of falling into someone, but also making
sure that you still have yourself when you submit. I have learned that
emotions can never really be quantified, nor it can be used to justify
actions, approved or frowned at. The moves of any person who devours
the bond and becomes overly anxious to an irrational point can’t be
considered solid, nor fully admirable. It’s not what we look for. It’s
not selflessly consuming, it’s just self-aware.

Major update? Hardly.

I just needed to go on and be habitual about blogging. This entry in particular isn’t something grand.

Again, just because.

On Thanksgiving Day we argued on the validity of the phrase "long nap".
Being the frustrated grammar Nazi that I am, it was I who said that
controversial word pair to Ge. I know I’m not going down without a
fight, or at least concluding it was "ok" to use it. Harold said that
there are short naps, but anything longer than that is considered
sleep, or…just a regular nap. Wikipedia defines a power nap as a
short nap lasting for 15-30 minutes. I define long naps to be lasting
31-59 minutes. Anything above that is actual sleep. Eh! Prove me wrong.

Our AM Cluster literally has 5 days to complete a dance presentation. I
never really put up something as messed-up as this but with people you
can use, I’ll survive it.

Somebody told me that I suck at being a boss. Well, there you go, my
first taste of flaming. Do I care? Not quite. Did it hurt? The choice
of words did. Did it bother me? Try again. If I’m a useless sup, then
you’re a useless employee. You’re not gonna mess with me and not get
the horns. Good riddance.

Now, I can safely say that I’m passive-aggressive. Dayuum, I hardly
lash back or confront, though I get a lot of reversions, glares and
blames. Strangely, how I react is nothing short of…cold. Cause and
effect: you caused this effect.

Shouldn’t be blogging in the first place but damn, things come up and
all of a sudden plans are flushed down. Sad, but there’s no other
option. Tomorrow will come.

So, is this a major update? Hah! You don’t know sh!t. These are nothing but red spots on a sanitary napkin.

Something beautiful is here somewhere.

I’ve always fancied dressing up; be
it in the simplest of events or at parties. This activity has always
been a welcome escape for me from this bothersome life. If you happen
to roam around my photos here at Friendster, you’ll definitely know how
much of a chameleon I am. Well, maybe not that much, but you know what
I mean.

I was intending to let Halloween pass without me getting ‘costumed’ for
the holiday. But I can’t help it - I simply had to come up with
something. Mind you, this occured to me the day before the event in the
office. So something simple yet striking has to be thought of and buy
the sh!t, stat! Powder and a magician costume came to mind, but those
aren’t really "stand-out". And then, a light bulb flashed.

All that needed to be done is to purchase two and a half yards of
fabric and chunky Buddha beads and Voila!, instant Dalai Lama. No nasty
make-up necessary, I just had to complete the act by walking around the
cubicles barefoot. I still never won Best in Costume though -  I don’t
have the nuts to humiliate myself a pinch more, haha! It was definitely
delightful to be noticed and sometimes made fun of, in a good way. I
know they just appreciate my guts. It’s just crap that this event was
not really a full-blown costume party, so I guess that’s the reason I
didnt prepare for it much. Another factor that contributes to my
ever-growing pains in the office.

Current Mood: renewed
Current Music: Kruder and Dorfmeister - Dadamnphreaknoizphunk

You might wonder what am I doing here blogging and it’s the last Saturday before the Halloween.

Don’t fret. I do also.

It was supposed to be the first badminton activity I’d be having in
five months. Lemony Snickets got in its way. Mel got sick so the thing
was cancelled. And eventually, the whole after-game drinking sessions
were crossed out altogether. Damn.

Good thing I came with a few of my teammates last night to watch a
movie and basically have nice chit-chat until 2AM. I almost dismissed
the whole idea earlier. But to get to see a flick, dine out and have
coffee while dissecting your miserable life is rewarding enough. At
least I got to validate one more flaw with myself: Lucky said that I am
too choosy; my standards are way too high that I can never find a good
enough date. Ouch!

When you’re at home, you just wanna stay there but it’s hard not to
talk about the office. This week has been a week of shockers, and
zig-zags. To put it simply, changes are happening, as always. Next
week, I’d be facing quite another challenge. Meh. I’m used to it
anyway. People come and go. The best news that happened this Work Week
on the other hand would be my stack ranking. From 49th to 39th to 22nd,
my team is slowly inching its way to the top. We’re in the Top Ten now!

This weekend sucks major balls, now I have to overhear those Pinoy
Dream Academy hopefuls hopeless. I don’t (can’t) sing but whoa, they’re
painful! People! Don’t waste your precious credits on
these…half-baked emotional break-downers. Ugh. Those who can’t do it criticize, so let me be.

…and please don’t get me started on the Boom Tarat Tarat madness. As if Willie Revillame is not enough.

I need a (better) hobby.

Today I had my first meeting with my new boss. It was too
early in the morning and it was done on such short notice that I wasn’t able to
prepare enough. Fortunately, my Action Plan for October was already in place and
ready to be flashed around. The meeting lasted for a grueling hour or so. But
for some strange reason, I felt relieved and as soon as I was done with the
session, I went around the floor to do my walkabout with a lifted spirit. I
wasn’t able to finish what I’m gonna do today, but I feel that I have
accomplished a lot.

Well, life in the office has been pretty much a
smoother ride now. Pressures are slowly sliding off my back. When it comes to
handling my team, I think I have everything under control this time. The
resources that I need are there already - extra tentacles for me, bwahahaha! I
have a vision: in 2-3 months I will be recognized as one of the most admired
Team Leads by agents. I don’t wish to become the most proficient or the most
adept with processes but I want to be the most inlfluential. It’s manifestation
- of course, better stats. So, Team Minotaur, I know you’re reading this. Make
your Banker proud, and of course I won’t fail you as well. We’ve got a long way
to go.

It seems like my corporate life is on a flourishing outlook.
Let’s take a look on some other aspects of my life. I’d like to take a page off
Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary:

Main Entry: drought
Pronunciation: ‘draut
Variant(s): also drouth /’drauth/

Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English drugath, from drugian to dry up; akin to Old English dryge dry

1 : a period of dryness especially when prolonged; specifically : one that causes extensive damage to crops or prevents their successful growth

2 : a prolonged or chronic shortage or lack of something expected or desired  

It’s not anymore a mystery. The rest of my life is
rather…barren. Weekends are not as exciting as they were. Nothing seems to
fall into place when I try to go out. All my friends have different schedules
now. All of us. No amount of planning can ever put us all together. My restdays
are crap. Who will go out with you on a Monday?! So there. Slowly, I am becoming
a social handicap.

It only follows that my dating life is (as of last
update) STILL zero. I’m done with K. I received no reciprocation - that’s
perfectly fine with me. At least I tried, and for a little while I enjoyed a
little flirting on the side. But seriously, I am so ready to be in love again
(as mushy as it may sound right now). I think I already found that ‘one’, but
fate has once again pulled another trick from her sleeve. How can it happen when
two people like each other but they just can’t be? Basically, I don’t have too
much questions to throw. I know I like B and soon enough, I will get
answers.

Now I don’t know where to pick myself up. I have my loyalties
to one person but I’m not committed. Do I date someone else and wait for the
answers to come? It’s completely a big dilemma. Maybe I’ll just enjoy myself. I
know B would understand that, hopefully. Let me be.

You ask me how’s sex? Please refer back to the dictionary entry.