.: Oxymoronic :.

At 23, I never thought that I’d be
susceptible to an endless list of life-threatening health problems. I
rarely get sick but when I do, I always end up in a hospital bed and
leaving work for a couple of days - just like when I had a urinary
problem 5 years ago and dengue 2 years back.

Now my anxiety attacks have skyrocketed to 1000% and my paranoia is at
an all-time high. I shouldn’t be getting any idle moments because
having such would only cause me to think of rather unpleasant stuff
about what I’m feeling.

I have been having issues with my chest and I’m growing really weary of
it. I have made so much research on the Internet so that I can fully
distinguish what type of condition I am having. I know that this isn’t
something heart related at least because most of the symptoms aren’t
saying so. It is just on the surface. I can still go to work regularly
and do tasks without obvious difficulty. However, my mind won’t rest
with the things I learn everyday from search results I put on Google. I
have avoided caffeine intake as well for it keeps me up at night like
nobody’s business; not to mention that drinking coffee triggers a
feeling of panic that I can safely identify as paranoia. Again, having
a major issue with my heart is something that I am simply fearful of.

My ECG results came out today and having to read words like "abnormal"
and "unspecified" almost drove me nuts. I have to endure a few more
days of misery since I have to wait for my doctor to interpret the
results. This has been ongoing for 2 weeks already and I seem to be
staying this way. For me, that’s a good thing.

It is ironic that when I started going to the gym and stopped smoking,
this happened. Lifestyles like the one related to my job could
potentially be adverse to my health and I’m taking any available step
to prevent it from occurring. I hope that this is only minor because
even a drop of blood in my lips freaks me out big-time!

Sigh…