.: Oxymoronic :.

The initial thrill felt good while it lasted. Yeah…good, but nonetheless, initial thrill.

Faster than the spinning wheel the cloak was removed and the blur has slowly crystalized.

As quickly as the heat rose to near-excitement, it plummeted just the same to the freezing point.

Seeds were planted amongst thorny bushes. 

Innuendoes were made but can only vibrate as much…then unheard.

Signs were read but ignored.

Why do you need me wanting more? I only had a little serving and I almost barfed.

Reality sneaked up on me and will soon slap you in the face.

It was nice having you here. Thanks for playing!

I haven’t been blogging lately. There
were so much changes within the past few days and now slowly but
surely, I am able to catch up.

Work…is a major bombshell. I just got live this week. When we say
"live" in call center lingo it means that you should be in full
operation mode. No more leeways, no more grace periods, no more
excuses. So it was, in one word - pressure. During the first three days
I was already presented with hurdles of different heights. First, of
course is the initial shock of being a Team Lead in operations.
Everything had to be precise and direct for there is no room for
mistakes. The workstation that I’m using is so bare. The computer isn’t
set-up for a TL, so all of the needed productivity tools are not
installed. I would literally have to run back and forth to monitor my
agents and write everything down in a piece of paper. Tedious as it is,
that’s the way it goes. We’ll just have to wait for IT to install the
sh!t…and I have my own deadlines!

People…have been very cordial with me so far. I’m happy that I have a
female boss. I wish I could get along with her somehow…like I
generally do with women. I am impressed with my agents so far. It’s
anticipated that they would come to you and ask you silly questions
from time to time but when it comes down to control of the call,
they’re good for first timers. However, there are several bumps along
the way. My team has already encountered a few absences. It’s
inevitable. But being the control freak that I am, I always wanted to
keep things orderly and processed as much as possible. No holes, no
creases. I have no one to blame, but it is a challenge for me to
counter these setbacks.

My rant with the security is now on chronic status. I don’t know why I
find it hard to defend my phone even for the purpose of getting a
clearance to bring it in. Probably because, it’s useless and wasteful
of time. I feel so limited without my phone beside me. Just this
morning my agent wasn’t able to inform me that he wouldn’t be able to
report for work. Why? My friggin’ cellphone is surrendered downstairs.
Anyway, I guess I’ll just have to muster the strength to swallow my
pride - having to request for that clearance would mean admitting
defeat.

I am obviously pressured. Stressed for that matter. But all I need is
for this week to pass and I will be okay. Like anything else, I’ll get
the hang of it soon.

Gosh, I’m even forgetting that I’ll be turning twenty-three this Saturday.

Sharp curves are always the ones that
appear on your road all of a sudden and are usually hard to turn to.
But in as much as we would want to calculate our maneuver, we have to
turn quickly. Pretty much like when you make decisions under emotional
pressure. Both plates in the scale move about rapidly and it seems like
there’s really no clear winner. Until a clincher comes into play and
you just have to be partial to your gut.

This particular movement has been pivotal.

I never realized I’d be in another snap twist of fate. Moments seem to
behave more turbulently every day. Things couldn’t have been in the
slightest idea expected. Ironically, as abrupt and impulsive actions
may be, like the sharp curve a change of direction has taken place.

In the midst of swift change I find myself in a state of unspeakable
joy. Conflict and uncertainty may wander about, but an insatiable
desire provides the comfort and ease. Conditions may look like a
disaster but it feels glad. Unbeknownst, unidentified and new, a
mysterious exclamation of glee reverberates from the perilous
surrounds. It’s like being in an instant chemical reaction, only the
exhilleration must be contained.

Who would’ve thought jovial vibes happening in spur-of-the-moment fashion are almost orally bizarrely ineffable?

How would you know if someone fancies you?

Would you know it by the way they look at you all smiles while
obviously trying it hard to pay attention to the person talking in
front of them?

Is it the way they would instantly hit you up with a comment regarding
a certain Internet article you’re staring at from your PC monitor?

Or maybe the way they surprisingly (but expectedly) speak your name out loud while huddling a group?

Could it be in which they intricately take focus on the things that you wear?

Or perhaps the manner they grab and anchor your arms in theirs when you "pretend" to disapprove a silly joke made on you?

Is it when they rub your head non-stop as if petting a puppy?

Or by the comments they make on your ID picture (which is, by the way, not conspicuously shown)?

I guess the answer is…you simply feel it.

But what if in fact, you like them back?

There’s this nice thread in PODCentral that takes the use of the ipod into yet another form. This
time, like a Magic 8 Ball would do. What I did is put my ipod into
"Shuffle Songs" mode, answered the questions below with the
corresponding song played, and hit next to answer the next questions.
Here are my ipod’s "predictions":

1. What do you think of me? - Let’s Hear It for the Boy (Deniece Williams)
    ** Well, the songs speaks a lot about myself in general. I’m not that complex, you know.

2. Will I have a happy life? - Beep (Pussycat Dolls)
    ** I really don’t know how to interpret this. Either my life will become so violent or so sexy. I prefer the latter, haha!

3. What do my friends really think of me?- Some Might Say (Oasis)
    ** Ok, so I guess I’ll start searching for those few.

4. Do people secretly lust after me? - Mamma Mia -(ABBA)
    ** Is this an exclamation? I’m flattered.

5. How can I make myself happy? - Why (Annie Lennox)
    ** My dear ipod, I need to know!!! Stop replying with another question.

6. What should I do with my life?- Mr Cab Driver (Lenny Kravitz)
    ** This is funny…or scary. Nyay!

7. Why must life be so full of pain?- Stop! In The Name Of Love (The Supremes)
    ** Ok fine. I know it’s the only way to go.

8. How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?- Hella Good (No Doubt)
    ** I know I’m not that bad in bed.

9. Will I ever have children? - Think (Aretha Franklin)
    ** Now’s not the time I guess.

10. Will I die happy?- I Never Loved You Anyway (The Corrs)
    ** Ouch!

11. Can you give me some advice?- Stickwitu (Pussycat Dolls)
    ** (Second Pussycat Doll song, damn!) But yeah, I am monogamous. So no problems there.

12. What do you think happiness is?- It Can’t Come Quickly Enough (Scissor Sisters)
    ** Perfect answer so far. Patience, patience it is.

13. What’s my favorite fetish?- The Great Beyond (REM)
    ** Whatever. Haha.

I should do this more often.

If there’s one thing I’m really proud
of Filipinos, it’s their ingenuity and resourcefulness. When there is a
fad and it’s too expensive, we will make a way to reproduce, replicate
or re-engineer that to be enjoyed by the common man at a very
affordable price. It appalled me that Manang whom I buy breakfast from,
is sporting a Burberry clutch bag. And hell, she only puts receipts,
money and loose pieces of paper in it. It’s like her everyday clutter
bin. And earlier, as I was about to get home, there’s this construction
worker who’s wearing the same kind of flip-flops that I use and take
good care of. I’m not saying na wala siyang karapatan to wear them but I
just don’t think he’s in the right state of mind to buy himself footwear as
unreasonably priced as that. But upon closer inspection on his eeky feet
I was able to read out its embossed name: Havanas. Fukk! It’s like the
real thing! What’s up with that?

I was able to pass by my former office grounds yesterday and was lucky
enough to see Sasha and Ed, two of my former teammates. Well, there
were little chit-chats here and there and of course, we were able to
talk about the minor aftershocks of major events. As a sign of her
agreeance and consolation, Sasha grabbed my arms and squeezed it. In a
slightly comical moment she exclaimed, "Mag-work-out na..ang arms!
Malambot!" *Sigh* She’s right. The stresses of corporate living have
rendered me immobile and lethargic. I miss the times when my groupmates
from dance rehearsals would say that I have nice biceps. So much for
3rd Year College where I could still find time to work out and attend
cheerleading practices.

Team Lead tasks are particularly incrementally massive. A day of
backlog can result to a tremendously disastrous week. So as much as I
can I make sure that all of the things I decide and work on are
carefully analyzed and thought of before being executed. But when there
are people who would somehow, someway find a means to find cracks on
your work just to bully you and push your buttons, it’s totally from a
different perspective already. I am just new, and I know ‘new’ is not an
excuse, but man, give me a break! You can’t expect me to be an expert
in 3 days! Besides, I don’t think I was doing something completely
asinine and decelarating. There is a huge difference from being
clarifying and to being plain stupid. Anyway, if there’s anything
positive that came out from this - I’m so pissed off right now that I
want to do better just to shut them up.